Carefree Timelessness

We live in the age of communication. The communications revolution has been driving the world economy for decades, and our lifestyles are constantly adjusting to the latest advances. Yet the communications revolution clearly has not increased our ability or willingness to communicate on a meaningful level.

The reason we neglect most of our legitimate needs is that they require our rarest resources: time and energy. Relationships are no different.

Relationships thrive under one condition: carefree timelessness. Quality time is now the discredited fantasy of an age that wanted more of everything except the things that really mattered. You cannot schedule quality time with your spouse or with your children. If you want twenty minutes of quality time with someone you love, schedule three or four hours with him or her one afternoon, and chances are, somewhere in the middle of that three or four hours you will have your twenty minutes of quality time.

When I was sixteen, I had a friend back home in Sydney. From time to time he would call me and say, "Let's waste some time together one day this week." That was his line, and what a wonderful lesson that one line taught me. We used to go out and have coffee or dinner. We would just talk, and laugh, and share stories. Sometimes we would even share a passage from a book one of us was reading. Were we wasting our time? No, of course not. Those times we shared were anything but a waste of time.

In our busy world, there is a tendency for us to try to contain our relationships in little boxes on our schedules. Too often the time we do set aside for relationships is on the perimeters of our already busy lives, so we approach our relationships without the energy they demand in order to be fruitful and fulfilling.

Relationships don't thrive under the pressures of our modern-day schedules. All of life's important relationships thrive under the condition of carefree timelessness. Learn to waste time with the people you love.

~ excerpt from The Rhythm of Life: Living Every Day with Passion & Purpose by Matthew Kelly

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Monthly, I receive Matthew Kelly's e-newsletter. The above reflection is from the December 2010 issue.

Recently, we began the Advent season -- my FAVORITE liturgical season! I think he presents may valid points which coincide with Advent. The secular world screams at us to keep busy and in a frenzy during this time of year. With shopping for gifts, writing and mailing Christmas cards, baking up a storm, preparing for the annual Christmas play are only the beginning of many distractions during this prayerful season.

I could relate to his point regarding quality time. During this semester, I participated in a small book discussion group at St. Thomas Aquinas. We focused on the book, The Five Love Languages -- Singles Edition by Dr. Gary Chapman. One of my love languages is definitely quality time. It is a priority for me to spend and receive quality time with those I am most closest to -- my family and intimate friendships. I truly support Matthew Kelly's idea of "wasting time." When I think back to the most memorable experiences with family and friends, it was when we shared spontaneous moments and planned events together. One of my favorite past times are the moments of "true presence" I share and receive with others ... no distractions, but pure communication, both verbally and non-verbally.

From the spiritual side, Advent is about quality time from three perspectives: with God, with friends and family, and of course, ourselves. How do each of us "make time," for these important relationships in our lives? Each of us receives 24 hours each day. How do we spend our time? Do we waste on non-productive and distracting things like the computer? Or, do we choose to create time to physically and spiritually exercise each day? Do we carve out an afternoon to spend time with a family member or friend on a daily or weekly basis?

To me, the best gift to give and receive during the Advent and Christmas seasons is quality time. I am far, far from being financially rich, but I am abundantly blessed with the gift of time. Thus, the quality time I share and receive is priceless and precious to me because it comes from the heart, not a retail or online store.

How much "carefree timelessness," can you spend this Advent season?